


build it better

by solivagantx



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:13:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23183809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solivagantx/pseuds/solivagantx
Summary: ‘It was only now that Christen had begun to realise that maybe she had been drowning for a while. Years possibly. Only this time slowly and quietly so not even she herself had noticed.’When Christen Press first arrived at Rosemount House for Troubled Girls, she thought her life was over. She had lost everything that had mattered to her, her brother was missing and the two people she loved more than anything had been taken from her.But it was a group of teenagers looking for a second chance and the girl with the warmest brown eyes and scarred face that slowly built her back up and taught her that even in the darkest of nights the sun will always rise.
Relationships: Alex Morgan/Kelley O'Hara, Tobin Heath/Christen Press
Comments: 13
Kudos: 91





	1. Chapter 1

Christen felt as if she was drowning.

A relentless feeling of hopelessness had settled thickly in her throat and left her lungs screaming for air. She was trapped in a constant state of blind panic of knowing she was stuck underwater with no escape.

But Christen wasn’t underwater.

She was drowning on dry land, agonizingly slowly, and everyone around her was breathing.

Her middle school biology teacher once told her class that no matter how desperate a drowning person is, they won’t inhale until they are on the verge of losing consciousness.

And he was right. Christen had felt that desperation.

It was the summer that she was seven.

She remembered it being blisteringly hot, by far the hottest day that year. The air had been clammy and stagnant, sticking to her skin in a layer of sweat.

The house wasn’t air-conditioned and offered no escape from the unrelenting heat outside. Usually, on hot days, she would crawl under the porch with Luke to play, sheltered from the sun’s bite by the cool dirt. However, last time they were under Luke had discovered a snake curled up against a heap of rotting wood. He had been quick to grab a heavy shovel to kill the animal but Christen had pleaded with him to leave it. So, the snake stayed, and they were forced to find another hiding spot from the heat.

Looking back, Christen wished she had just let Luke kill it.

It was that particularly hot day that Luke decided he wanted to go to the public pool. Christen vaguely remembered him explaining that boys in his class went when the temperature became unbearable. So, they both made the hour-long trek in the sweltering heat despite neither of them knowing how to swim.

When they arrived, the pool had been overflowing with people trying to escape the heat. Immediately, Luke had spotted a group of boys he knew and dragged her over to play with them. Christen had stood behind him, seamlessly fading into the background, as the boys roughhoused and yelled, and after a while she stepped away, walking over to the pool edge where it was quieter.

People had always been drawn to Luke. He would only have to flash his wide blinding smile and kids would instantly want to be his friend and adults would swoon over what a ‘charming young man’ he was.

In elementary and middle school, she remembered seeing Luke in the hallways always surrounded by a group. He was constantly being invited to parties and sleepovers, but he never went to a single one. Luke had always claimed that he found them boring but Christen knew it was because he hadn’t wanted to leave her at home by herself.

When she was younger Christen had wished that she was more like Luke, someone who was so naturally outgoing and confident. It didn’t help that they hadn’t looked alike. Christen’s wild curly black hair and darker skin was a stark contrast to Luke’s short brown locks and fair complexion. They had shared the same eye’s though; hues of stormy green.

Christen never agreed, but Luke had adamantly claimed that they had the same smile as well. He had told her that it was their mother’s smile.

Growing up her only friend had been Luke and Christen had been content with that. She had always been the quiet kid that kept to themselves. The kid that walked the halls with their head down, eyes fixed on the floor, and ate lunch in the library because the cafeteria was always too noisy. Over time it was almost like she had become invisible. So, it didn't surprise Christen that none of the boys realised she had left. No one really noticed her.

Christen didn’t remember much, only that she had leant over the edge of the pool to feel the water when rough hands from behind pushed her forward.

She had immediately thrashed against the water, blindly reaching out for something to hold onto. Barely keeping her head out of the water, she had screamed for help before slipping under the surface. She remembered her lungs burning desperately for oxygen and excruciating pain filling her head as if her skull was being split open. She had fought desperately against the water, but after a while, her limbs became heavy as if they were being filled with led.

After a while, the pain finally subsided, and an uncanny sense of calmness washed over her. It was a terrifying peacefulness; one where, even in her seven years of age, Christen had been content in drowning, despite knowing deep down that she should fight to live. Eventually, as the edges of her vision became dark, Christen had finally gone to take a breath when hands from above clamped down on her arm and pulled her upwards.

In the end, Luke had punched the boy who had thought it would be funny to push her in. Christen had cried the whole way home, Luke carrying her on his back, and that night he held her tightly as she shook uncontrollably telling her over and over again that she was safe.

They never went back to the pool.

The scariest part of drowning is waiting. You have to wait for someone to realise and pull you from the water or wait for the water to take you.

For months Christen had been suspended in the agony of running out of air. A half-dead ghost trapped in a ceaseless limbo. Waiting. It was only now that she had begun to realise that maybe she had been drowning for a while. Years possibly. Only this time slowly and quietly so not even she, herself, had noticed.

///

Christen pressed the side of her face up against the cool glass of the car window. The sky was awash with grey, swelling clouds. She wondered if it was going to rain.

The neighbourhood was nice, possibly the nicest she had ever been in. Neatly manicured gardens boxed in old wooden houses with tilted roofs, wide porches and large windows that looked into the street below. To Christen, they looked more like dollhouses than they did homes.

It was the type of neighbourhood you saw in movies. One with perfect landscaping, expensive cars and large houses undoubtedly filled with the picturesque American family. A neighbourhood where parents taught their kids to ride their bikes in the street and neighbours brought baked goods over to each other just for the sake of purely being nice.

The woman beside her was humming off-key to the radio. _Girls Just Wanna Have Fun_ Christen recognised. Definitely not the most appropriate song for the occasion.

The badge pinned to her blouse read ‘Sarah’ and was accompanied by an obnoxious yellow smiley face. Sarah was the type of person who refused to see anything but the positive in every situation. To put it simply, the woman was infuriatingly chirpy and undoubtedly blinded by her own optimism.

Christen considered herself to be a calm person, but she was becoming increasingly closer to throttling the woman. It may have been the constant flow of ‘sweetheart’ and ‘darling’ or the fifth time she asked if Christen wanted to hold her hand on the plane when she noticed the girl’s death grip on the armrest. In all honesty, she was pretty sure it was the fact that Sarah was taking her further and further away from the two people that Christen’s world revolved around.

She guessed that she was one of Sarah’s first cases. The woman was still trying to be her friend. She had seen it all before, soon enough Sarah would realise that the ‘difference’ she was hoping to make in Christen life wasn’t going to happen. In fact, there was a good chance that she was going to make a bigger mess of Christen’s life than the state it was currently in.

Yet, Sarah continued to smile and sing along to the radio like everything Christen had even known hadn’t just been doused in gasoline and set alight.

“I think you’re really going to like it here, Christen,” Sarah mused, looking over at the girl smiling. “Hanging out with girls your own age. Won’t that be fun?”

Christen rolled her eyes. Sarah didn’t seem to notice.

Being around girls her age was very far down on Christen’s list of things she considered to be fun. From her past experience, seventeen-year-old girls were bitchy and ruthless when it came to boys; never hesitating to backstab their 'friends' to get what they wanted. Christen has always tried her best to avoid drama, which meant avoiding the majority of her peers and sticking to herself most days. So, being trapped in a house full of teenage girls sounded like something out of a nightmare. 

“Oh, I called the high school, they have a brilliant library. I know how much you like to read.”

Christen furrowed her brow. She didn’t remember telling Sarah anything about reading. It made her uneasy that someone knew something so personal about her, but then again it was Sarah’s job to know Christen.

The woman was still talking. Something about how pretty the neighbourhood would look in fall.

Christen was finding it harder not to scream. She didn’t care about some stupid high school library let alone what the neighbourhood would look like in fall. She wasn’t even planning on hanging around till then.

A familiar feeling of frustration settled thickly in her throat. She wasn't about to cry in front of Sarah; not again. Christen didn't want to give the woman the satisfaction she knew she would get through comforting her.

She didn't want Sarah's pity or her kindness. Christen just wanted her life to go back to how it was a week ago, however miserable it may have been.

Yet here she was.

‘Just outside of Portland’ as Sarah had told her.

Hundreds of miles away from the people she loved.

 _At least I never have to see Robert again_ , she thought thankfully.

For all she cared, Robert was currently facing a battery of charges. She hoped he got jail time.

Even just thinking about the man made Christen’s blood boil. The years of putting up with his shit, doing everything she could possible to protect the kids, and in the end that was the one thing she couldn’t do.

“When will I be able to see them?”

Sarah’s smile faltered, clearly unprepared for Christen’s sudden outburst.

“The court will have the final say, but it really depends on how well they adjust and your-” The woman paused, clearly weighing up her choice of words. “Behaviour.”

Christen began to protest when the car turned into a stone driveway.

Sarah turned off the ignition plunging the car into silence. The house before Christen was a large Victorian painted a weathered green and undoubtedly home to at least one wildly creative ghost story. It didn’t look anything like her house.

 _Her old house_ , she corrected. This was her home now.

She had to admit, the lack of rotting wood and rusted wire fencing was a nice upgrade.

“Doesn’t it look nice Christen?” Sarah asked, grinning widely at the girl.

Christen ignored her, undoing her seatbelt before leaning down to grab the strap of her backpack wedged between her feet.

Sarah seized her hand before she could open the car door. Christen flinched, quickly wiggling her fingers out of the woman’s grip.

“Christen, look at me.”

Begrudgingly she turned to Sarah, choosing to focus on the clumped foundation on her chin rather than the woman’s eyes.

“Think of this as your second chance, a fresh start. I promise you it’s only going to get better from here. I know you might not believe me right now, and that’s okay, but in an environment like this I know you will-”

Christen yelped. Someone was knocking against the car window beside her head.

Spinning around she was met with the blinding smile and bright pink hair of a woman that didn’t look much older than her. She waved enthusiastically before motioning for Christen to open the car door.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.” The other girl paused looking over the car to where Sarah was climbing out. “You kinda looked like you needed saving.”

Christen gave her a small smile. “Thanks.”

The woman stuck out her hand, “I’m Megan, but everyone here calls me Pinoe.”

“Megan, I asked you to wait inside.”

A short woman was starting down the porch steps. She looked to be in her late forties maybe even early fifties with dark brown hair pulled back into a bun, silver strands littered throughout.

Megan waved the other woman off. “I got tired of waiting. It’s not every day we get fresh meat around here.”

“You must be Christen. It’s nice to meet you.” The woman held out her hand. Hesitantly Christen took it wincing under her firm grip. “My name is Diane, I’m head supervisor here at Rosemount.”

Sarah appeared by Christen's side; the girl's duffle bag slung over her shoulder and a red binder in her arms. "It's so nice to finally meet you, Diane. Thank you for helping us out on such short notice."

"It wasn't a problem, we're always happy to have another intake," She turned to the pink-haired woman. "Megan, why don't you take Christen inside and get her settled, Sarah and I have to sort out a couple of things."

“Sure thing.” Megan took Christen’s duffle bag from Sarah and started towards the house. Christen hurried to keep up.

Inside she was met with dark hardwood floors and cream walls lined with wooden panelling. From what she could see the house was about as historic as its exterior and Christen honestly would have believed that she was inside a museum if it wasn’t for how lived in the house was. From the scuffs along the floorboards to the parade of shoes lining the wall next to the door to the smell of baked goods wafting through the air, evidence of life bloomed wherever she looked.

Framed pictures scattered across the walls caught Christen’s eye. The largest held a photograph of a group of girls huddled together around a Christmas tree beaming up at the camera.

Christen glanced into the arched opening to her right. Two faded couches with a variety of woollen blankets hanging over their armrests surrounded an old fireplace. The walls were lined with bookcases and a red armchair sat in the corner beside a large window that looked into the front garden. It seemed incredibly homey, nice even.

Noticing that Megan hadn’t waited for her, she started up the stairs after the woman.

“Look, I’m going to be real with you. Whatever shit you’re planning on pulling don’t bother. Trust me. Diane’s a stone-cold bitch, she won’t put up with anything.”

Christen frowned at the woman’s bluntness. “Do you work here?”

“God no,” Megan laughed looking back over her shoulder at Christen. “I lived here. Left about two years ago. Diane likes it when old girls come back and visit, some bullshit about setting an example.”

The upstairs hallway was lined with dark wooden doors. The rug was at an odd angle and a small mountain of clothes was spilling out of a room further down the hall as if it was trying to escape. The occasional sock was littered throughout and what looked like calculus homework lay crumpled in a heap at the top of the stairs.

"Everyone's bedroom is up here, except Diane's." Megan pointed down the hallway. "There are two bathrooms down there. The doors don't have locks though, so you're going to have to get used to being walked in on or learn how to pee and hold the door shut with your foot."

"This one's yours," Megan said stepping into the first room on the left of the hall. Christen followed, stumbling over a lone soccer ball resting against the door frame.

The room was relatively plain with pale mustard walls and two single beds, a narrow window between them. A tall bookshelf occupied the wall next to the door holding stacked textbooks and a neatly organised collection of makeup. A couple of the shelves had been left clear. Christen guessed they were for her.

Megan placed her duffle bag down on the bed on the left, fitted simply with plain white sheets and a knit blanket. The other was meticulously made with a rather round cat curled up in the middle of its blue bedspread.

The only personal touch to the room- a single framed photograph on the dresser. It was a picture of a young girl with long dark brown hair and piercing blue eyes. She was sitting in the lap of an older woman, who looked strikingly similar, smiling at the camera.

“You’re sharing with Alex.” Megan nodded towards the bed on the right. “You got lucky; she doesn’t snore.”

Sharing a room wasn’t an issue for Christen, in fact, she couldn’t remember a time where she hadn’t. Hell, she had shared a bed most of her life. Yet the idea of a stranger sleeping less than five feet away made her feel uneasy. It didn’t help that Luke had told her stories of homes like this, filled with kids that were crazy enough to smother you in your sleep.

“That’s Murphy.” She pointed at the tortoiseshell cat. “We found him scratching at the front door a couple of years back. He’s been here ever since.”

Megan moved over to the dresser between the two beds, tapping the top drawer. “You should put your valuables in the lock drawer.”

Christen raised an eyebrow.

The woman laughed. “Don’t worry Christen, no one is going to shake you down for your stuff.” Megan sat down on Alex’s bed leaning over to scratch behind Murphy’s ear, who mewed happily in response. “Kelley’s a bit of a kleptomaniac though, but she usually won’t take anything valuable just random crap she finds.”

Christen placed her backpack down beside her duffle bag. She stared at them for a moment before sitting down on the bed to face Megan.

“I get it.” Megan nodded at the bags. “I didn’t unpack until my second week here.”

The room was quiet for a while.

“It’s funny, isn’t it?” Megan laughed bitterly. “Kids like us; we’re constantly being let down but we’re always hoping that someone out there gives enough of a shit to come get us.”

The woman looked over at her with sad eyes. “You waiting for someone, Christen?”

Christen was silent for a moment. She thought of Luke and his empty promises.

_I'll figure something out, Christen. I promise._

Christen wished he hadn’t made that promise, because it was Luke’s promises that had left her hoping and it was the same promises that had left her broken.

“No, I’m not.”

Megan gave her a small smile. “Coming here was the best thing to happen to me. I know you probably don’t want to hear that, but just give it a chance.”

Christen studied the woman's face watching a glimmer of sadness dance in her eyes. It was the same look that Christen saw when she starred in the mirror.

"Diane's probably waiting." Megan stood to leave. "Don't tell any of the girls that I got sappy with you, I'll never hear the end of it."

Christen followed the other girl back downstairs to what looked like Diane’s office, a small room with large windows looking into the front garden.

Diane and Sarah were sat at the desk bent over the red folder

"Perfect timing Megan." Diane smiled up at them. "Christen, we were just making sure the high school had confirmed your chosen classes."

Christen frowned. She hadn’t remembered telling Sarah what classes she wanted to take.

“Speaking of, I’ve got a lecture to get to. Diane, tell the girls I’ll try and stop by this weekend.” Megan looked to Christen. “I’ll see you around.”

She turned to leave, not before throwing a sloppy two-fingered salute in Christen's direction.

“Well, I better head off.” Sarah stood, closing the red binder and sliding it across the table to Diane before facing Christen. “If you need anything you have my number. Don’t be a stranger.”

Sarah reached out to hug her. Christen quickly stepped back, putting herself out of the woman’s reach. Recovering quickly, Sarah gave her a tight-lipped smile before awkwardly patting her shoulder as she passed.

“Take a seat, Christen.”

Christen slid into the chair previously occupied by Sarah, fixing her gaze firmly on her lap.

An awkward silence settled heavily over the room. She could feel Diane watching her intently. Finally, the woman spoke.

“Despite what Megan has probably told you, this isn’t some type of sorority house where you girls can run rampant. We have ground rules, the same as you would have in any household and I expect you to follow them.”

Diane slid a piece of paper towards Christen, “Some of the girls that pass through here have what I like to call ‘selective hearing’ so I find that a tangible copy gets the message across.”

_Possession of alcohol, drugs and weapons is prohibited._

_School attendance is not optional._

_Curfew is 4:00 pm on school nights and 9:00 pm on weekends unless otherwise specified._

_If you wish to leave the property a supervisor must be notified._

_Contribution to household chores is expected._

_Bedroom doors must remain open at all times._

_Bedroom strips may be undertaken to search for prohibited items._

_Respect is to be given to supervisors and household members._

"For everyone in this house to exist together, you need to follow the rules. Having a structure provides stability which is something that a lot of the girls here didn't have before they came to Rosemount."

“Do you have any questions?”

Christen shook her head.

Diane looked down at the red binder in front of her. “Your brother, Lucas.” Christen’s head snapped upwards at the mention of Luke’s name. “I want you to tell me if he tries to contact you.”

“I haven’t seen Luke in two years. He’s made it pretty clear that he wants nothing to do with me.”

It was the truth.

The last time she had seen Luke was the night before his eighteenth birthday. The same night he had promised Christen that he wouldn’t leave her, only for her to wake up to an empty bed the next day.

Diane ignored her. “I need an answer.”

“Yes,” she huffed out.

Now that was a lie.

Christen was sure as hell that she wouldn’t be telling the woman across from her if Luke contacted her. It was becoming increasingly clear to Christen that he was her only way out of this mess.

Diane pursed her lips studying the girls face carefully before glancing up at the clock on the wall. “The girls will be home soon. You should finish unpacking.”

Christen stood to leave, pausing at the door.

“Jay and Nell.” Diane looked up, raising an eyebrow. “When can I see them?”

Diane nodded slowly, “Sarah mentioned that you were worried about their wellbeing. However, CPS is concerned about you influencing their adjustment period.”

“I’m not going to!” Christen raised her voice, throat tightening. She closed her eyes, puffing air out of her nose harshly in an attempt to calm herself.

Diane remained stone-faced. "I understand that you're upset but I can't disclose any information to you until I have confirmation that-"

“What about an address, so I know where they are.” Tears were beginning to well behind her eyes, she felt as if she was going in circles. “I want to-I just need to make sure they’re okay.”

Diane’s voice was stern. “Christen, I can assure you that James and Nell are being looked after. You don’t need to worry.”

Christen wanted to scream; to throw herself on the floor like a toddler and cry until Diane took her to Nell and Jay. Frustratingly, she knew that it wouldn’t get her anywhere. Megan was right about Diane not putting up with anything.

So, she bit back her tears and hurried upstairs into her room, flinging herself onto her bed.

Laying on her back Christen pressed her palms against her eyes and tried to slow her breathing as she repeated the plan over and over again.

_Get the hell out of this house._

_Find Jay and Nell._

_Make it to Luke._

_It’s going to be okay._

_It’s going to be okay._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quarantine has gifted me with an ungodly amount of free time so i decided to write something. 
> 
> i took reference from shows like red band society and the fosters, as well as the movie the short term 12 (which i highly recommend), as i have no experience with group homes/foster care/adoption etc.  
> and when i say reference, i mean an understanding of the processes and the general arrangement of such systems in america, (cause i am not american).  
> \+ reading a ton of articles, so i had a better understanding.  
> i apologies if there are factual inaccuracies but please remember that this work is entirely FICTION. 
> 
> i decided to re-invent the families of the characters as it made me more comfortable when writing about the themes of this work. 
> 
> other chapters will not be as long, this one was only chunky cause i got carried away world-building. 
> 
> i edit myself so there is likely to be mistakes. 
> 
> thanks for reading. it means a lot


	2. Chapter 2

Christen had grown used to the quiet of the house.

The sound of the breeze brushing through the trees outside was beginning to make her eyes droop. She couldn’t remember the last time she had slept, and Christen could feel the exhaustion slowly setting in.

Then suddenly, without warning, an explosion of noise. The sounds of footsteps shuffling along the old floorboards below her and laughter floated up the stairs, like life being breathed into the house.

“Christen, can you come down here please?”

She stood, running her hands through her hair a couple of times in an attempt to smooth her wild curls, before slowly making her way downstairs. Christen cursed herself for not showering while she had the time. She had been wearing the same clothes for the past two days and she prayed she didn’t look as disgusting as she felt.

She wasn’t nervous about making a good first impression, it wasn’t like she was going to be here long. Truthfully, Christen was more concerned about being stuck in a house full of delinquents and nutcases for the however many days she was here.

Diane stood in the middle of the living room surrounded by six girls.

Christen surveyed the room. Two girls, a blonde and a freckled brunette, were poking fingers into each other’s sides giggling. A young girl was curled up in the armchair and another two were sat on the couch. 

None of the girls looked particularly troubled.

She met a pair of warm brown eyes from across the room. The girl was perched upon the arm of the couch watching Christen intently, a lazy smile tugging at her lips. She was lanky with toned limbs dangling over the armrest and honey brown hair thrown over her shoulder.

Christen’s eyes flicked to the girl’s cheek. A pale scar ran from her left temple to the corner of her mouth like a lightning strike, all jagged and twisted. It was strange to see an imperfection so blatantly obvious on someone so strikingly beautiful.

“Girls, this is Christen Press. She’s going to be staying with us for a while. I trust you will all make her feel welcome.”

It sounded like a warning, seemingly directed at the girl with long straight brown hair, who appeared more interested in her phone than Diane’s introduction.

“Dinners on the table at six.” Diane turned to leave. “I know you all have homework to do.”

“Welcome to the madhouse.” A girl slumped on the couch mumbled. She was tough-looking, with short messy hair and a collection of tattoos swirling up her arms. Christen’s eyes wandered to the thick black band around the girl’s ankle sticking out from underneath her jeans. She quickly averted her eyes.

Noticing that Diane had finally left, the girl with long brown hair stood, pushing past Christen and disappeared upstairs.

Suddenly, the blonde-haired girl was in front of her grinning wildly. “Don’t mind Alex, she’s just upset she has to share her room.”

So that was her roommate.

_Great, she already hates me._

The girl thrust out her hand. “I’m Emily. Call me Sonnett, or Sonny.”

Emily cocked her head to the side, looking her up and down. Christen squirmed uncomfortably under the other girl’s gaze.

“Princess Pressi I reckon.” She finally said, turning to the freckled girl beside her.

The other girl nodded. “Nice one.”

“Some of my best work if I do say so myself, Miss Kelley.”

Laughing, the freckled girl shoved Emily out of the way. “I’m Kelley, resident frat daddy and goal-scoring extraordinaire. Isn’t that right Tobin?”

Kelley turned to the girl balanced on the arm of the couch, who simply rolled her eyes in response.

_Tobin._

So that was the girl’s name. It was unusual but somehow suited her perfectly. 

Kelley was looking at her expectantly. Christen flushed realising she hadn’t heard the girl’s question.

“Pardon?”

“I asked where you’re from?”

“I’m from California.”

“No way, that’s so cool! I’m from Georgia, but that’s so boring compared to California!” Kelley bounced on her toes excitedly.

“How old are you?”

“Seventeen,” Christen replied.

“So you’re a senior this year?”

She nodded. The girl’s relentless flow of questions was starting to make her head spin. Christen wondered if Kelley always acted like she had downed a liter of energy drink.

“Me, Alex, Ash and Tobin are seniors, Sonnett’s a junior and baby Mal over there’s a freshman.” Kelley gestured to the small girl, who couldn’t have been older than fourteen, sitting cross-legged in the armchair picking at a blanket.

“I’m meant to be a senior,” Emily protested. “They made me redo freshman year when I moved here.”

Kelley rolled her eyes. “Everyone knows you got held back because you thought Alaska was an island near Hawaii.”

“That’s not true!”

Christen let out a breath grateful that the attention was finally off her.

‘So, what is it?”

Christen turned. It was the tattooed girl looking up at her expectantly with a smirk on her lips.

“Are your parents’ deadbeats or just plain dead?”

Kelley swatted her arm. “Ash!”

Ash pushed the other girl away and lent forward. “No. I’m genuinely interested in how a valley girl like you ended up in a groupie like this.”

The room fell quiet. Christen could feel five pairs of curious eyes on her, waiting for a response.

“Daddy issues?”

She stayed silent, fixing her gaze firmly on the floorboards. Ash kept pressing.

“Mummy issues?”

Christen winced.

Ash let out a low chuckle sitting back. “Oh yeah, you’re going to get on great with Alex.”

“Leave her alone, Ash.” It was the brown-eyed girl, Tobin, voice low and smooth.

Christen squeezed her eyes shut, curling and uncurling her fingers into fists as she tried to control her breathing.

Christen didn’t hate her mother. It was hard to hate someone she couldn’t even remember. Yet, the longing for her had always been there, sitting in the back of her mind, occasionally whispering in her ear, telling her that maybe if her mom was still around her life wouldn’t be so screwed up.

From what Luke had told her, everything that their mother had done had been for her children and in the end, that was why she gave them up.

Christen opened her eyes slowly. The girls seemed to have lost interest, now wrapped up in a conversation that she couldn’t decipher. She felt lightheaded like someone had sucked all the oxygen out of the room. She considered going back upstairs to her bedroom but Christen wasn’t sure she wanted to face her roommate just yet.

Deciding the front porch was the next best option, she quietly made her way to the door hoping to slip out unnoticed.

She stepped out onto the porch, sitting down on the wooden steps. It was still overcast, the setting sun unable to break through the clouds.

She could leave right now, walk down the road and get on the first bus she saw. But she had no money and no idea where to even start looking for Jay and Nell. Everything was spinning out of control and Christen just had to sit there and watch.

Coming to Rosemount hadn’t fixed anything. She was still brother-less and her life was still shitty. Except now Christen didn’t have Jay and Nell, the very people that gave Christen a purpose. She had lost everything. 

Every time she closed her eyes she could see Nell’s face marked with betrayal and Jay’s eyes wide with fear and it felt as if someone had taken the handle of the knife that seemed permanently buried in her stomach and twisted it.

She had promised herself that she wouldn’t let them down and she had failed.

The worst part was Christen knew exactly how it felt; to have the one person who was meant to protect you from the world abandon you.

_They probably hate me._

She had to get out of here and make everything right because Christen didn’t think she could live with herself knowing that Jay and Nell hated her.

The sound of the front door opening caused Christen to spin around. She furiously wiped at her eyes, hating to be seen crying. It made her feel like a child again, helpless and fragile.

“Dinner’s on the table,” Tobin said softly.

“I’ll be there in a second.”

The other girl nodded, stepping back inside. “Don’t take too long, Diane made garlic bread, it goes pretty quick.”

Christen used the sleeve of her shirt to dry her eyes and took a couple of deep breaths before making her way inside.

Everyone was already seated at the dining table, passing plates of food between each other and talking animatedly. It was strange to watch an act that looked so incredibly domestic and natural, like family dinners she had seen in movies.

Christen slid into the empty chair across from Tobin. The girl gave her a small smile and passed her the salad bowl.

“Ashlyn, you’re parole officer will be here tomorrow afternoon. Your language needs to be PG-13 when you speak to him this time,” Diane warned.

“No promises.”

The woman turned to Kelley. “Mr Sanchez came by again today. Another one of his garden gnomes went missing. He wants to know if you had anything to do with it.”

Kelley threw her hands in the air, cutlery clattering loudly against her plate.

“You get caught admiring one of those stupid plastic flamingos and suddenly you’re behind the disappearance of every hideous garden ornament in the street!”

“Kelley, we both know you were not admiring-”

“Honestly, whoever is stealing Sanchez’s gnomes is doing the neighbourhood a favor, probably even saving the kids in the street some horrible childhood trauma. Those things are disturbingly ugly.”

“Alright, that’s enough.” A small smile was playing at Diane’s lips. “Just know that there will be consequences if the person taking them is caught.”

“Well if I ever meet this vigilante, I’ll make sure to let them know.”

Christen pushed her food around her plate watching Mal slip bits of meatball to Murphy under the table. She wondered how many of these dinners she would have to sit through before she figured out how to get out of here.

“So, Christen tell us about California.” Kelley grinned at her eagerly. “I bet the hot surfer boys were all over you.”

Christen squirmed uncomfortably. She hadn’t really had the time to be interested in the boys from her school and she would honestly have no clue if any of them surfed. “Um-I...”

“Hey Kel, what were you trying to tell me this morning?” Tobin spoke up. “About the socks?”

The change of topic was about as subtle as a sledgehammer to the face, but Kelley took the bait.

“Oh yeah. That if you were naked and then put on a pair of socks, you wouldn’t be naked anymore.”

Alex frowned. “Kelley that’s the most idiotic thing I have ever heard, and I’ve heard some insanely stupid things come out of your mouth.”

“No, it’s logic Alex. Being naked means not wearing clothing and socks are clothing, right? So, if I was nude and put on socks, I wouldn’t be naked. Sonnett believes me.” Kelley turned to Emily. “Right Sonny?”

Emily looked up from her plate, spaghetti hanging from her mouth. “Hmph?”

“Emily don’t talk with your mouth full,” Diane scolded.

As the girls launched into an argument, Christen caught Tobin’s eye from across the table. She gave her a small smile.

Tobin winked, before turning her attention back to Kelley.

///

Christen found it hard to decipher her earliest memories. Her childhood, for the most part, had been a jumble of colours and sounds. Unpredictable and continuously shifting. Yet, the one thing that had always remained constant was her brother.

Looking back, Christen didn’t have a memory from her childhood without Luke in it. From protecting her from older kids at foster homes that would push her around to teaching her to tie her shoelaces, Luke had always been there.

And they could never be apart.

Like the time when Christen was four and she had been sent to a placement with a young couple in San Diego, leaving Luke behind. She had screamed for almost three days until they brought her back and ever since then they had always been together.

Never one without the other.

Christen just wished it had been like that forever.

///

_Christen sat in the backseat of Joanne’s car watching the droplets of rain race each other down the glass of the window. They had been sitting there for almost twenty minutes waiting for the weather to ease._

_Luke and Joanne were talking. Christen had tried to join in but her brother had waved her off, telling her it was ‘adult stuff’ that she wouldn’t understand._

_Luke would be eight in thirteen days and Christen was pretty sure that it didn’t make him an adult. Adults were people that drove cars, drank beer and stayed up past nine o’clock at night._

_She had huffed loudly and stuck out her lip, but no one seemed to care that she was upset._

_In the end,_ _she had tried listening to what Joanne was saying but she had quickly realised that she didn’t understand, so Christen had decided that it was okay for her brother to pretend to be an adult._

_Christen was glad that they had left the Peterson’s. The other kids there were too loud, always yelling and wrestling each other. The older boys had pulled on her curls and called her a baby when she cried. Christen had spent a lot of time hiding in the laundry room._

_Luke tapped her shoulder._

_“Come on. We’re going inside now.”_

_Christen grabbed her trash bag from the seat beside her and climbed out of the car. Inside the plastic bag was everything that she owned, which really wasn’t much. A mismatch of clothes, a few stuffed toys and a couple of books Luke had gotten her. Flinging the bag over her shoulder she followed Joanne towards the house. Luke reached over to steady her as she swayed slightly._

_The house was sad looking, made from old painted brick and sagging wood. A low rusted wire fence with a squeaking gate stood outside._

_She giggled as Joanne tried to tiptoe through the muddy yard to protect her high heels, the woman’s face screwed up in disgust. Christen wondered if she and Luke could go puddle jumping later._

_She carefully climbed up the creaky steps to the porch to where a man and woman stood in the doorway._

_Christen craned her neck, looking up at the couple._

_The man was big, like a bear. With thick hairy arms and a belly that made his shirt stretch. The woman beside him smiled down at her, showing her yellowed teeth. Christen hid her face behind Luke, tugging on his shirt._

_She wasn’t sure she liked these people._

_The man moved aside. “Come on in.”_

_She followed Luke, keeping her fist balled in his shirt. Christen crinkled her nose. The house smelt funny, like someone had spilt milk and forgot to clean it up._

_The room with dark and crammed, divided between a living room and cluttered kitchen._

_“I’m Robert and this is my wife Tammy.” The man gestured to the woman beside him._

_“You two are just the cutest.” Tammy was smiling at her again. Christen ducked behind Luke._

_The woman turned to Joanne. “They’re definitely siblings?”_

_Joanne nodded. “Same mother.”_

_Christen frowned. Of course she and Luke were siblings, Tammy must be stupid to think that they weren’t._

_“Your room is down there on the right,” Robert grunted, jerking his head towards the hallway._

_The bedroom was small and bare, only holding a dusty brown rug, a chest of drawers and a wooden bunk bed pushed to the side._

_Christen placed her bag down on the bottom bed and sat down. The cracks in the plastering looked like little spiders crawling across the walls._

_Luke was frowning._

_He seemed to be doing it a lot recently._

_“How long are we staying here?” She asked as Luke moved to sit next to her on the bunk._

_“We need to be good Christen.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Cause Joanne said that if this placement doesn’t work out, they’ll split us up.”_

_Christen bit her lip. She didn’t want to be separated from Luke. Melody from the children’s home they went to last year had been separated from her older sister. She cried a lot._

_Christen wrapped her arms around her brother and squeezed him tight. “Don’t worry Luke, I’ll be the goodest kid ever and then they will never separate us.”_

_He laughed, frown melting away. Christen liked it better when he smiled._

_Luke nudged her shoulder with his. “Wanna play pirates?”_

_“Yes please!”_

_///_

_It was about eight o’clock that evening when Christen sat crammed around the small kitchen table with Luke and Tammy. Robert was sitting in front of the TV in the lounge room, plate balanced on his stomach, eyes fixed to the screen._

_A tray of mac and cheese that Tammy had shoved in the microwave sat before her. It was gloopy, a little bit green and reminded Christen of that one time she had been really sick and thrown up._

_Tammy pushed Christen’s tray closer to her. “Eat your food Crystal.”_

_“Her name is Christen.” Luke corrected the woman._

_“Don’t talk back boy.” Robert stood from his place on the couch, walking into the kitchen._

_He stopped in front of Christen, leaning down so he was level with her. “Why aren’t you eating?”_

_Christen stayed silent, fixing her gaze firmly on her lap. Tears were beginning to drip down her cheeks wetting her shirt. Her hands shook as she reached up to wipe her eyes._

_The man’s breath was hot against Christen’s face. “Tammy spent a lot of time making your meal. Stop being an ungrateful little brat and eat it.” He slapped the table, jostling the trays of food._

_Christen flinched._

_“Don’t talk to her like that!”_

_Robert turned to Luke, roughly balling up the front of his shirt and pulling him to his feet._

_“I’ll speak to her however I damn well please. If you knew what was good for you, you would keep your mouth shut!”_

_Christen clamped her hands over her ears, whimpering. The man’s voice sounded like thunder._

_Robert let go. Luke stumbled back, landing on the tiles awkwardly._

_“If she’s not going to eat, then you can both starve.” The man snarled, snatching the trays up and dumping them in the trash can._

_“Get to bed.”_

_Luke scurried to his feet, jaw set. He grabbed her wrist and tugged Christen down the hall to their bedroom._

_///_

_Christen lay beside Luke on the bottom bunk, tucked under a scratchy blanket. He hadn’t spoken to her since Robert sent them to bed. She hoped he wasn’t mad at her._

_She should have just eaten her food. Luke had told her that they needed to be good and Christen had screwed up already. She hoped that Robert wasn’t going to call Joanne to come get them. It would be all her fault if they got separated._

_Christen rolled over, trying to get comfy. The TV was blaring through the walls from the living room and the people next door were shouting. They were so loud that Christen could still hear them when she buried her head under her pillow._

_“Luke?”_

_Her brother didn’t respond. A car alarm wailed in the distance._

_“Luke?” She tried again._

_“What?” Luke hissed out through the darkness._

_“Can we build the magic castle?”_

_“I’m trying to sleep, Christen.” Luke rolled over so he was facing the wall._

_Christen flopped down on her back and blinked hard, trying to hold back her tears._

_“I’m scared, Luke. Can we please?”_

_Luke rolled over, sitting up slowly. “Go get the light. It’s in my bag.”_

_Christen jumped off the bed and began searching for Luke’s bag in the darkness._

_Mama had given them the light box when they were babies to help them sleep and they had had it with them ever since. It was the only thing that Christen owned that had belonged to her._

_Luke had pulled the blankets off the top bunk and tucked them under the mattress so that they swallowed up the bed below._

_Christen carefully squeezed in through the small opening and made herself comfortable beside her brother, snuggling into his side. She turned the light box on and placed it next to her._

_Immediately, streams of white light shot out, projecting stars along the walls of the magic castle._

_Christen used to think they were real stars that had been trapped inside the box, but Luke had told her it was just a bulb sending light through little holes in the plastic._

_There were actual stars in the real magic castle though. Christen was sure of it._

_They lay there in silence watching the speckles of light dance over the bottom of the top bunk._

_“Can you talk about Mama?” Christen asked._

_“No.”_

_“Why not?”_

_“Cause it makes me sad.”_

_Christen frowned. Sometimes Luke got sad talking about Mama. She thought it was maybe because he remembered her better, but she didn’t understand why that would make him sad. Christen wished she remembered her._

_“It’s not fair that you remember her and I don’t.”_

_Luke was silent for a while. Christen thought he might have gone to sleep._

_“Fine,” he huffed out, rolling over. “What do you want to know?”_

_“Can you tell me the magic castle story?”_

_“I’ve told it to you like a billion times Christen.”_

_She stuck out her bottom lip. “Please.”_

_“Okay, but after this you need to go to sleep.”_

_She rolled into Luke’s side as he pulled the blanket tighter around her._

_“Up, up, up in the clouds, there’s a magic castle. So high up that you can see the whole world and when you look up you can see all the stars in the galaxy. It’s the most perfect place in the whole entire universe because everyone that you love is there. Even the people you don’t see anymore. And nothing bad ever happens there so everyone is always happy and never scared. You can do anything you want, and you never have to eat slimy microwave meals.”_

_Christen giggled._

_“Mama promised that she would be waiting for us at the gates so she can give us all the hugs and kisses that she’s missed out on.”_

_Christen yawned, her eyelids felt heavy._

_“When can we go?” She whispered into Luke’s shoulder._

_“Soon,” he replied simply._

_As Christen slipped into sleep, she wondered how many days away ‘soon’ was._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took me forever to update it turns out online university is a lot more work than I thought it would be. 
> 
> I had a lot of fun writing baby cp and the dialogue between the girls. for some reason I have quite a lot of chapter 3 written so I should be able to upload that pretty soon. 
> 
> fun fact, my sister actually thought alaska was an island near hawaii because she 'saw it on a map once.'
> 
> thank you to everyone that left kudos and comments, you guys were my motivation to get this finished. 
> 
> thanks for reading. it means a lot.


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